Disclaimer: I’m not trying to offend people who think Ocarina of Time is the greatest Zelda game ever. It’s just that you haven’t played Breath of the Wild yet.

Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild - A Beautifully Frustrating Odyssey

Welcome, fellow Hyruleans, to the breathtaking kingdom of Hyrule, where danger lurks around every corner and the promise of discovery beckons from every hill. Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is not just a fucking game; it’s a fucking epic and beautiful journey through a world teeming with secrets, surprises, and an endless supply of fucking frustration.

Graphics - Breathtaking (Literally)

Let’s start with the visuals, shall we? From the moment you step foot into the vast world of Hyrule, you’ll be greeted by stunning mountains, lush landscapes, and jaw-dropping scenery. The attention to detail is truly remarkable, from the way the sunlight filters through the trees to the way the raindrops glisten on the grass. But be warned: while the scenery may be breathtaking, the weather can be downright fucking treacherous. One minute you’re basking in the warmth of the sun, and the next you’re scrambling for cover as a thunderstorm rolls in. Why, you ask? Well, that metal sword you’re weilding will turn you into a fucking lightening rod.

Gameplay - A Fucking Epic Blend of Joy and Despair

Breath of the Wild offers a level of freedom and exploration unlike anything seen in previous Zelda games (s/previous\ Zelda\ games/any\ game/g). From the moment you step out of the Shrine of Resurrection, you’re free to roam wherever your like, whether it’s scaling mountains, diving into lakes, or simply wandering aimlessly through the wilderness. You wanna go fight fucking ganon, you’re free to go do it. You won’t win but hey, at least you fucking tried right? Anyways, be prepared to face the consequences of your actions, for Hyrule is a dangerous place filled with fucking clever enemies, deadly traps, and physics that seem determined to shit on your your every move. Ever spent hours painstakingly climbing a sheer fucking cliff, only to slip at the last fucking minute and plummet to your fucking doom? Welcome to fucking Breath of the Wild.

Combat - A Dance of Swords and Tears

Let’s talk combat, shall we? Breath of the Wild offers a combat system that is as deep and satisfying as it is unforgiving. Whether you’re facing off against a horde of Bokoblins or a towering Lynel, every battle is a test of your shitty skill, shitty reflexes, and sheer dumb luck. You’ll find yourself seamlessly switching between weapons, shields, and abilities as you fend off your foes, all while trying desperately not to accidentally throw your prized sword off a fucking cliff in the heat of battle.

Culinary Adventures - Gordon Ramsay Who?

And let’s not forget about the culinary delights of Breath of the Wild. Who knew that mixing random ficking ingredients together could result in a dish that not only restores your health but also gives you temporary buffs? Move over, Gordon Ramsay, because there’s a new chef in town, and he’s cooking with fucking monster parts. Whether you’re grilling up some hearty steaks or brewing a potion that gives you the strength to take on a Lynel, the cooking mechanics in Breath of the Wild add an extra layer of depth and strategy to an already rich gameplay experience.

Exploration - The Joy of Discovery

One of the true joys of Breath of the Wild is the sense of discovery that comes with exploring every fucking nook and cranny of Hyrule. From hidden shrines and ancient ruins to towering mountains and sprawling forests, there’s always something new and exciting to uncover. And with the addition of the Sheikah Slate and its various runes, the possibilities for exploration are virtually fucking limitless. Whether you’re using Magnesis to pull treasure chests out of the water or freezing time to cross a fucking treacherous ravine, the tools at your disposal make every journey feel like a fucking epic adventure.

What else?

Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is, without a doubt, the greatest game of all time… if your idea of greatness involves getting repeatedly mauled by fucking giant chickens and being bested by puzzles designed for preschoolers. Yeah we know you have less brainpower than that of a little kid. So grab your sword, pack your shield, and prepare for an adventure that will simultaneously fucking enchant and fucking infuriate you. Welcome to Hyrule, where the only thing wilder than the beasts is your fucking frustration.

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Jokes aside, Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was literally the greatest game of all time. “was” because it’s now bested by Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. (I may or may not do a review of it soon.) Go play both of them if you haven’t already and experience true greatness.